What is your favorite role?

By ValeriaVilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

Each family builds a unique bond characterized by its own rules, values, customs and codes.

Each family member plays a specific role, a function, which helps to maintain a family balance or homeostasis.

In our professional experience, we have seen how within a family it is always the same person who “calms things down” when a conflict arises; while another member is the one who always “looks the other way” and points fingers for what is going, never taking responsibility whatsoever; and sometimes there is another member who is always interrupting with irrelevant remarks to distract others or to draw their attention; or there might be someone who -from a rational point of view- tries to gather as much information as possible to reach a resolution.

Gratefulness, the positive feedback

                                                                                   By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

 In this month of November, families gather to celebrate Thanksgiving. People plan encounters with loved ones and show them their affection by celebrating with an elaborated dinner. This show of affection between family members who have chosen to share this special night is called positive feedback.

Positive feedback relates to recognition, esteem, and gratefulness. We are developing esteem from the gratefulness that we fell and received from others.

We fell grateful for things we have received. When we appreciate someone, we acknowledge the fact that this person has said or done something that has a positive effect in us. These recognitions generate esteem and gratefulness.

Let’s jingle bells all the way in this holiday’s celebration

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The Holiday season is a time of great expectations. People plan with anticipation how to make each event a special moment to be celebrated and remembered. Different celebration models reflect each one’s nature: from romantic environments, with fireplaces, and inspiring music; all the way to fireworks, exotic, and magnificent parties; and everything in between. There is no universal or established way of celebrating, just the opposite, we may choose to create and participate in the kind of festivity that best suits our preferences.

For some people the holiday season can also be a conflicting time. This time of year is often a tough one to go through, for those people with addictions to shopping, alcohol or food.

New Year, New Life!

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

A new year has begun, and with every new beginning comes also renewed hopes, expectations and the desire to achieve those goals which have not yet been reached. Once the emotional Profits & Loses of the last year has been settled, each one of us can look into the future with the commitment to improve our life.

For some individuals turning their goals into reality tends to seem a much harder task, and they postpone their well being for a lifestyle that they are used to, but that they really don't want. In order to achieve the changes that we commit we need to be tooled with the right instruments, understand the difficulties involved in what we try to accomplish, and design a plan to make wishes come true.

True happiness

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

Happiness is an emotion that in the time we are living, the 21st century, has become difficult to achieve for many people. It is paradoxical to see how in this time people strive for costly material things and are not able to obtain happiness, which is free.  We live at a very rapid pace, we assume many activities, responsibilities and daily obligations, to the point where even the recreational activities end up generating stress.

People began to associate happiness with the accumulation of things that came from the outside, providing a momentary feeling of joy but that was neither complete nor lasting.

• So how can we achieve true happiness?