Everyday is Summer

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMH

Summer is here, and the sun’s warm kiss invites us to relax, to do water sports, and to plan for fun. Vacation, hot weather, long hours of light, and less responsibilities at work make up for a great mix of ingredients.

While the rest of the year has been stressful, with a routine that is far from our idea of fun, it often happens that summer months come with an overdose of, much longed for, entertainment activities. It would seem as if people would only allow themselves these pleasant occasions during this season.

When this is the case, we may suffer a post vacation disorder when we go back to work. We don’t feel like taking back our routines because we associate them with stress and absolute lack of enjoyment. Symptoms of anxiety and depression start to appear accentuating even more the difference between the two scenarios.

To avoid this unbalance between summer and the rest of the year it is advisable to spread entertaining activities throughout the year. This helps improve your mood, your tolerance to stress, and your motivation to work.

Sometimes happiness is associated with extremely ideal situations that are, most of the times, very expensive too. If, in contrast, we could balance these thoughts, and start associating happiness with small moments of pleasure, we would be more balanced. Some examples of these simple pleasures are:

·      Closing your eyes, and going inside yourself while breathing and visualizing relaxing situations. If this technique doesn’t come naturally, it is because of high levels of anxiety, but with the right training, it is very easy to attain.

·      Getting pleasure out of a conversation with our loved ones. Our fast paced lives, text messaging and tight schedules have diminished dialogue to merely transmitting information as a telegram-like communication, and conversation keeps getting postponed for “when we have the time”. It does not happen spontaneously, unless we intentionally open a space for it.

·      Being able to stop and enjoy the view, to walk on the beach, to smell the flowers, to listen to the birds.

·      Having mini vacations on weekends throughout the year. When monotony starts to invade, it is advisable to generate a change in our routine to motivate ourselves to feel pleasure.

Those of us who are not used to opening these spaces of enjoyment in our lives find this goal very difficult to attain. We may even doubt whether or not it is worth the effort. When this is the case, many times, we don’t even know what to do, or how to do it, we don’t remember what we used to like, and we get a feeling of guilt when we step out of our routine. We often think, “There is so much to do, I should not be here wasting my time.”

This is a red flag that may be indicating depression or anxiety. This is why it is so important to start little by little, incorporating small changes into our routines, and having real expectations. In the beginning we are likely to not get as much pleasure out of these experiences, because we have denied ourselves the right of having a space for enjoyment for so long.

The key is to create balance throughout the year. The best time to start is now, during the summer, but do not forget to continue this habit all year round. Allow yourself to find pleasure in the simple things and to break the routine frequently. This will lead you to feel that you can, and you do, have moments of relaxation and fun throughout the year.

Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd,  LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc 

Celebrations are now over- How can we keep the fire of love and passion burning?

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

During holiday celebrations, there is excitement in the atmosphere, people are in a good mood and this holiday spirit inspires couples to have a good time.

Some hours later… decoration lights from houses and shops start to go off, the melodies that rose our spirits with messages of love and joy have vanished, the smell of mint and cinnamon that magically transported us to a state of festivity and plenitude starts to fade away… our five senses are no longer stimulated for celebration.

• Do you feel that the fire of love and passion is fading and that your relationship is turning into a      boring routine again?
• Do you feel there is less communication between you and your partner?
• Do you no longer feel surprised when you think about how your intimate encounter with your couple is going to begin and end?
• Do you need to be surrounded by people to enjoy an outing with your couple?

In other words, ask yourself the following question: Do you feel there is less chemistry, less passion, less communication and less intimacy in your relationship?  Do you feel the fire is fading?  

First vacation as a couple? Here’s some advice to get the best out of it

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The first vacation as a couple is a very expected and dreamed of time for many people. Some days of relaxation and romantic walks by the ocean are some of the pleasant plans couples normally share during their holidays. But spending so much time together may also turn into a conflict situation, mostly, when the couple is not used to share so much time together without spaces of being apart from one another.

The first trip together may result as stressful as moving to a new house or having a baby.  Generally, the expectations are very high on both sides, and at the same time, some may feel doubtful of making the decision of going away together. Hence, leaving on vacation together may turn into the best experience you’ve ever lived, or a complete frustration.

In order to be ready for this experience, it is advisable to be prepared to:

•    Disconnecting

The main object of a vacation trip is to take a break. For that purpose, it is not enough to go thousands of miles away, it is also necessary to be prepared to cut with your work and routine as well as all stress causing situations that are part of our regular life. Staying in touch with work, family and commitments will not allow either of you to fully relax; and you will become irritable and more sensible to any problems during your trip. So now you know, disconnect and enjoy!

Finding freedom through forgiveness

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

It is rewarding to know you are going through life with your beloved one by your side. But the paths of life are not always easy. We are going to experience difficult situations, and crisis at some points. 

A partner is a person that is close to you, someone who gained your trust and your love. A partner knows more about you than most people do, therefore, due to this closeness, you are in a vulnerable position.

Commonly after a crisis, feelings like avoidance, deception, infidelity, and anger appear.  In my practice I’ve noticed some people react to painful events showing off the soreness like a flag of their lost war. They choose to label themselves with their scar. However, other people react building a hard shell around them, a protection, avoiding the possibility of being hurt again. But at the same time, they are closing the door to love and positive feelings. They hide their scar like a shameful remembrance.

Why do we find freedom through forgiveness?

Because… 

•         To forgive is to give a present to yourself.
•         To forgive is to correct the negative emotional conditions.
•        It is a process of internal growth.