Develop your self-esteem

                                                                By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

How we usually feel about ourselves affects directly our experience in life, our job, love life, friendships, and the possibility to progress in life in the direction of our dreams. The way we respond to the challenges of our lives comes from our perception of who or what we think we are.

Self-esteem is the measurement system we employ to value ourselves. Since self-esteem is based in our own perception of us, it is subject to the quality of our insight into our own emotions and thought, and could sometimes be misleading.  Like an accounting Profits & Losses report, self-esteem measures on a daily basis the balance of our positive and negative image of ourselves, constantly updated by our experiences and the impact of our self-evaluation and the evaluation of the people we interact with produce.

The power of freedom

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

In the month of July we celebrate Independence Day. The 4th of July of 1776 the United States of America was born, through the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain.

This is a date of patriotic celebration, and family gathering. The holiday is celebrated with parades, fireworks, and family reunions.

For a country, been free is an representation of power. For the human being, it represents power as well. An individual is able to reach his autonomy as an adult, when he becomes independent from his parents.

To move out of one’s parents’ house is not an easy step for many. It means reaching emotional and economical independence. And often, achieving the emotional independence is much harder that doing it in the economic aspect.

Why is it so hard for some people to become emotionally independent from their parents?

The magic power

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The month of May gives us the opportunity to honor and value the importance of the mother figure in the family dynamics, and in her relationship with her kids.

Why are mom’s kisses like magic to heal a kid’s wound?  What is the reason for a child’s sober to be calmed down with a mother’s hug? Why do midnight fears go away when a mother rubs her child’s back?

A mother’s warm smile, the way she looks and values her kids, her encouraging words in hard times, even her listening attitude, produce an amazingly positive effect in a child’s personality. This translate in a higher self-esteem and an embracing sense of comfort.

Is there a reason why the maternal figure generates a state of safety, protection, and comfort in kids? May it be that the mother provides the basis for her kid’s healthy development into adults?

The heat is on! Plan wonderful vacations this summer

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The month of June, school ends, the temperatures rise, and the breeze is soft and warm. Summer colors shine in the flowers, the colorful dresses, and people’s tan bodies. The so longed for summer vacations are here.

What can we do fully enjoy this so desired vacation time? 

If we keep in mind that the amount of time we have for vacation is not what matters most, we’ll be able to focus in what’s really important, what we do with that time.

 So, we should start with a positive attitude, and adjust our expectations so they are not too ambitious and turn into frustration later. Determine the main purpose of vacations as an opportunity to take care of ourselves, and to enjoy those things we like most. Think of it as a vaccine to stress and everyday routine.

The solution to our problems is not to rest in expensive places or to buy tour packages that promise to entertain us. The idea is to learn how to enjoy what we have available for us and use it in a creative way to so we can get the most out of it instead of longing for things we cannot reach. Just like a children, they doesn’t need expensive toys to have fun, sometime just a stick is enough, when they puts desire and imagination into the game.

We each have our own preferences and it is good to think about what brings us pleasure in summer time. Be aware of what we are able to do with our free time, and discover what entertains us when we put to rest our work and obligations. When a person gets depressed or bored during vacation, it may be because he does not know what to do with his time when he is not working. 

 You may ask..... How can I do it?

• It is advisable to get organized so you keep no contact with work or with those routine activities from which you want to take a break.

First day of school

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC 

The beginning of a new school year is coming soon.  Like crossing an invisible wall, one day, in the middle of the vacations, families start thinking about it.  Expectations, hopes, very good memories appear, but also fears, concern and very bad memories resurface.  Not only the children are assailed by conflicting emotions, also parents begin to feel the pressure.  Particularly in a society like ours, that stresses so much the performance aspects of every action, the first day of school becomes a phantom event, which could leave serious emotional scars if faced unprepared.

When the first day of school looms on the horizon, the kids start to imagine all sort of complicated scenarios for a young brain: how is my new teacher going to be? Are the new classmates going to like me? Will I be a better student or fall behind like last year? Previous experiences could help kids ease some of their concerns or fuel others.  Bullies and social awkwardness are concrete threats.  Parents, on the other hand, have similar thoughts, most of the time symmetric to their kid’s ones: Will my child be a good student this year?  Will she/he make good friends and be accepted as who she/he is? Is she/he smart enough to face the learning process and overcome the challenges each new school year presents?  Will I be summoned again by teacher/counselor/principal to hear complaints about behavior or learning problems? 

Most parents take advantage of their vacation time to talk to their children and anticipate conflicts.  Nothing secures more effectively a good transition from vacation to school than a fluent communication between parents and children.  It is the perfect time to reinforce our commitment as parents to be strong allies of our children’s needs at school and to reiterate our love and trust in their capabilities and talents.

Nevertheless, some families lack a good communication process. Things are left unsaid or are expressed in an inadequate way, as threats that generate guilt and shame and end up adding to the difficulties of the school process the extra burden of frustration. 

Parent and children both need a set of tools to succeed at school, mostly communication and teamwork tools.  When a kid goes to school on the first day musing “I don’t know what I can do to please my mom and dad, I tried before and I can’t do it”. “I don’t care”, “Whatever”. “I can’t change”, “I’m a loser, and a parent, at the same time, thinks “I can’t make my son/daughter change”, “We are losers”, “We are bad parents”, we can anticipate a year full of conflicts and a failure in the making.  It is at that time, though, when the healing process should begin, for there are no losers or bad kids or bad parents by definition.  There are only new opportunities for families to look for a change, to try to find harmony in their lives and reaching out to learn how to use the appropriate tools that help them achieve their potential.

Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc