The magic power

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The month of May gives us the opportunity to honor and value the importance of the mother figure in the family dynamics, and in her relationship with her kids.

Why are mom’s kisses like magic to heal a kid’s wound?  What is the reason for a child’s sober to be calmed down with a mother’s hug? Why do midnight fears go away when a mother rubs her child’s back?

A mother’s warm smile, the way she looks and values her kids, her encouraging words in hard times, even her listening attitude, produce an amazingly positive effect in a child’s personality. This translate in a higher self-esteem and an embracing sense of comfort.

Is there a reason why the maternal figure generates a state of safety, protection, and comfort in kids? May it be that the mother provides the basis for her kid’s healthy development into adults?

Celebrations are now over- How can we keep the fire of love and passion burning?

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

During holiday celebrations, there is excitement in the atmosphere, people are in a good mood and this holiday spirit inspires couples to have a good time.

Some hours later… decoration lights from houses and shops start to go off, the melodies that rose our spirits with messages of love and joy have vanished, the smell of mint and cinnamon that magically transported us to a state of festivity and plenitude starts to fade away… our five senses are no longer stimulated for celebration.

• Do you feel that the fire of love and passion is fading and that your relationship is turning into a      boring routine again?
• Do you feel there is less communication between you and your partner?
• Do you no longer feel surprised when you think about how your intimate encounter with your couple is going to begin and end?
• Do you need to be surrounded by people to enjoy an outing with your couple?

In other words, ask yourself the following question: Do you feel there is less chemistry, less passion, less communication and less intimacy in your relationship?  Do you feel the fire is fading?  

First vacation as a couple? Here’s some advice to get the best out of it

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The first vacation as a couple is a very expected and dreamed of time for many people. Some days of relaxation and romantic walks by the ocean are some of the pleasant plans couples normally share during their holidays. But spending so much time together may also turn into a conflict situation, mostly, when the couple is not used to share so much time together without spaces of being apart from one another.

The first trip together may result as stressful as moving to a new house or having a baby.  Generally, the expectations are very high on both sides, and at the same time, some may feel doubtful of making the decision of going away together. Hence, leaving on vacation together may turn into the best experience you’ve ever lived, or a complete frustration.

In order to be ready for this experience, it is advisable to be prepared to:

•    Disconnecting

The main object of a vacation trip is to take a break. For that purpose, it is not enough to go thousands of miles away, it is also necessary to be prepared to cut with your work and routine as well as all stress causing situations that are part of our regular life. Staying in touch with work, family and commitments will not allow either of you to fully relax; and you will become irritable and more sensible to any problems during your trip. So now you know, disconnect and enjoy!

Finding freedom through forgiveness

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

It is rewarding to know you are going through life with your beloved one by your side. But the paths of life are not always easy. We are going to experience difficult situations, and crisis at some points. 

A partner is a person that is close to you, someone who gained your trust and your love. A partner knows more about you than most people do, therefore, due to this closeness, you are in a vulnerable position.

Commonly after a crisis, feelings like avoidance, deception, infidelity, and anger appear.  In my practice I’ve noticed some people react to painful events showing off the soreness like a flag of their lost war. They choose to label themselves with their scar. However, other people react building a hard shell around them, a protection, avoiding the possibility of being hurt again. But at the same time, they are closing the door to love and positive feelings. They hide their scar like a shameful remembrance.

Why do we find freedom through forgiveness?

Because… 

•         To forgive is to give a present to yourself.
•         To forgive is to correct the negative emotional conditions.
•        It is a process of internal growth.

Balance yourself and your relationship this Valentine’s Day

By Valeria Vila, MA, BEd, LMHC

People find meaning and purpose within their lives through relationships with others. Among the most important relationships one can have, romantic interactions are very significant. Certainly, not one day of the year is more symbolic of amorous relationships, than Valentine's Day.

In the romantic month of February, couples all around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day. Throughout the course of the so called “love month” expectations to improve relationships arise. Couples hope February 14^th to be a celebration with affection amongst each other. Lovers exchange cards, chocolates, and often gift baskets, that contain meaningful objects to their partner that say not only, “I love you”, but also, “I know what you like.” Like every day and every celebration, we have the opportunity to learn and improve. On this passionate month, I invite you to balance yourself in order to balance your relationship and be able to rejoice a special Valentine’s Day.

Some couples, enjoy a mature relationship with an open communication, and a balanced interaction. This allows them to grow affectively, to set common goals, to enjoy the time together, and to plan future projects.