Raising children can be the most rewarding task. Each age and developmental stage of the child presents specific challenges and opportunities: for babies it is to eat, to sleep and to explore their immediate world; for children to socialize and learn the basics of human interaction; for adolescents it is to develop their own identity.

One of the greatest achievements and goals that adolescents need to develop is independence. For some of them it is difficult to manage this transition from puberty to adolescence without conflicts. This passage towards a stage of greater freedom can cause sadness and stress to both parents and teenagers. This transition generates significant tension, and this is the time when parents must be prepared to act.

Starting early in that preparation is the best way to get ready for helping our kids and ensure a successful adolescence. Parents can prepare themselves or consulting with trained professionals.

In our professional practice we usually give parents certain tips that proved to be helpful:

1) Provide a safe and loving atmosphere at home, building a background of emotional security.

2) Work out the conflicting relationships among family members, in a way that teaches the adolescent how to learn conflict resolution tools, and inspire the child to act in the same way in other environments.

3) Create an environment of honesty, confidence and mutual respect starting with parent's example. Parent's actions, and their perseverance and commitment, are values that are going to fortify the young teens in their future development.   

4) Update and adapt the way you treat your kids to their ages.  Some parents have the tendency to continue with the same protecting style they were used to, and limiting by doing so, their teens' capacity to develop their own abilities. 

Adolescents naturally start to choose other important figures for them besides their parents, and they also tend to become highly influenced by peers.

It is wise to gradually grant teens independence, as a way to enhance their own responsibility and at the same time keeping discretionarily power over them, knowing what they are doing, with whom they meet and where are their favorite social meeting places. 

On one hand an excessive independence could give the youth insecurity and expose them to confronting situations that they're not prepared for.  On the other hand, an excessive restriction can produce rebellion or submission on their part, and these are both undesirable effects.

An open and fluid communication process between parents and teens is one of the bases to achieve a good relationship, and it requires persistence and understanding.

The adolescence stage can be less stressful when parents and teens work together in facing their challenges. This approach will ease and pave the road towards achieving a life-long loving and trustful relationship.

 Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Mind Bilingual/Spanish Counseling Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  They work with individuals, children, adolescents, adults, couples and families. Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc 

Ways to unlock your child´s potential

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC    

Raising a child is a challenge for every parent. No doubt about it. Parenting is not a discipline that is innate. Quite the contrary, it is a learning process that requires both patience and dedication.

Some parents lean towards anticipating events and searching for information on what to expect while their children grow. Others rely more on intuition, trusting that it will be a wise guide when conflicts appear.  Both kinds of parents are certainly trying to give their children the best they can.

Managing your stress positively 

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

Do you feel irritated, tense, disorganized, have a headache or feel that you are not using your energy productively? If your answer is yes, you could be suffering from stress.

Susan wakes up every morning, makes breakfast, wakes her children up and gets them ready for school. When her children and her husband begin with their daily activities, she starts organizing her house. But she realizes that she will never manage to accomplish her expectation of having the house perfectly neat and clean, preparing a perfect meal, and doing the shopping. By the time she has to pick her children up from school she feels worn out and frustrated because she was unable to meet the goals she had set in the morning. In the afternoon, when her children are home, she feels impatient, and by the time her husband comes home from work she is nervous and exhausted.

How to tell a child that their origin is thanks to science

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

When a couple appeals to science to have a child, it is because they have tried for several years, and with different treatments, and have not being able to achieve conception. Despite repeated high hopes and disappointments, they keep trying to make their dream become a reality.

For these people, the desire to have a child is very deep. They need great patience and tolerance to frustration. This much-desired baby will be received with high expectations and a lot of love, and will be provided with everything her parents can attain. The family will finally become what these parents have always wanted.

In my practice I have observed that once parents are able to overcome the anxiety and distress generated by the inability to conceive a child, and become pregnant thanks to in-vitro fertilization, attained by egg or sperm donation's, they begin a new period in their lives where they become concerned with how to tell their child that his origin is through science.

From Enthusiasm to Indifference

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

Sometimes love boost promptly.  Others intensifies their feelings little by little. While most of the reasons of the genesis of love will remain forever unidentified, it is possible to recognize those that slowly corrode and eradicate love.

Bond in a couple does not unbound suddenly.  Previous the separation there have been always hundreds of small moments that were not taken into account and ended up breaking the enthusiasm back.  Those actions are:

Antagonism: This action takes place when you notice yourself irritated, critical to something another person is doing, saying, or feeling. Example: Your wife is joking with her best friend about how you never help her with the kids. You notice yourself feeling antagonized or opposed to what she says and a slight irritated.

Most people handle signs of antagonism by ignoring or weaken them and pretending nothing is wrong. You probably have thoughts like: "Don't get so upset over anything," or "Just forget about it”.  This is your first inaccuracy.  If you don't be genuine about your feelings of antagonism and resolve them with your couple, these resistances increase and turn into…

 Bitterness: is when you no longer feel merely irritated by something your partner does, you just can't stand it! While antagonism caused annoyance, bitterness causes anger. You feel angry, judgmental, hostile, frustrated, unloving. At that moment you have begun to disconnect from your couple and withdraw behind your emotional walls. If you don't be genuine about your feelings of anger and bitterness and resolve them with your couple, the anger increase and turns into...

 Disconnection, this attitude means separation: emotional, physical, or both. This stage occurs when you feel that it is impossible for you to be comfortable staying emotionally connected to the other person, and so you separate yourself from him or her. Disconnection may occur in two ways: As an active negative response (accusing, criticizing,) or a passive negative response (not talking, being cynic...) If you stay together in this stage, your relationship will be either very arduous, or very tedious. If you don't be genuine about your feelings and resolve them with your couple, the tension increase and turns into…

Restraint is a state of emotional numbness. You successfully restrain or repress all of your emotions, anesthetizing yourself to them in order to be comfortable. Often in the stage of restraint, you tell yourself such things as: "It's just not worth fighting over anymore."

If you are in this stage your emotional numbness will spill over into the rest of your life. You lose your passion and aliveness. You may feel even, flat, or bored. Often you experience fatigue and low energy. You may have successfully repressed the pain, but you have repressed happiness and excitement as well.

 There is only one way out for preventing your relationships from moving through these steps. When you notice some emotional nervousness or discomfort between you and your couple, be genuine to yourself; tell the complete truth about how you feel.  Don't wait! Don't overlook small issues! Don’t delay! Don't think that what you are feeling is too insignificant! Love awakes abruptly but its downfall often slow, inundated by misunderstanding and soreness. Confront and cope with the reality. Become skilled at how to recognize and communicate your emotions in a constructive way. 

Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Mind Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  She works with individuals, children, adolescents, adults, couples and families. Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc