The heat is on! Plan wonderful vacations this summer

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC

The month of June, school ends, the temperatures rise, and the breeze is soft and warm. Summer colors shine in the flowers, the colorful dresses, and people’s tan bodies. The so longed for summer vacations are here.

What can we do fully enjoy this so desired vacation time? 

If we keep in mind that the amount of time we have for vacation is not what matters most, we’ll be able to focus in what’s really important, what we do with that time.

 So, we should start with a positive attitude, and adjust our expectations so they are not too ambitious and turn into frustration later. Determine the main purpose of vacations as an opportunity to take care of ourselves, and to enjoy those things we like most. Think of it as a vaccine to stress and everyday routine.

The solution to our problems is not to rest in expensive places or to buy tour packages that promise to entertain us. The idea is to learn how to enjoy what we have available for us and use it in a creative way to so we can get the most out of it instead of longing for things we cannot reach. Just like a children, they doesn’t need expensive toys to have fun, sometime just a stick is enough, when they puts desire and imagination into the game.

We each have our own preferences and it is good to think about what brings us pleasure in summer time. Be aware of what we are able to do with our free time, and discover what entertains us when we put to rest our work and obligations. When a person gets depressed or bored during vacation, it may be because he does not know what to do with his time when he is not working. 

 You may ask..... How can I do it?

• It is advisable to get organized so you keep no contact with work or with those routine activities from which you want to take a break.

First day of school

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC 

The beginning of a new school year is coming soon.  Like crossing an invisible wall, one day, in the middle of the vacations, families start thinking about it.  Expectations, hopes, very good memories appear, but also fears, concern and very bad memories resurface.  Not only the children are assailed by conflicting emotions, also parents begin to feel the pressure.  Particularly in a society like ours, that stresses so much the performance aspects of every action, the first day of school becomes a phantom event, which could leave serious emotional scars if faced unprepared.

When the first day of school looms on the horizon, the kids start to imagine all sort of complicated scenarios for a young brain: how is my new teacher going to be? Are the new classmates going to like me? Will I be a better student or fall behind like last year? Previous experiences could help kids ease some of their concerns or fuel others.  Bullies and social awkwardness are concrete threats.  Parents, on the other hand, have similar thoughts, most of the time symmetric to their kid’s ones: Will my child be a good student this year?  Will she/he make good friends and be accepted as who she/he is? Is she/he smart enough to face the learning process and overcome the challenges each new school year presents?  Will I be summoned again by teacher/counselor/principal to hear complaints about behavior or learning problems? 

Most parents take advantage of their vacation time to talk to their children and anticipate conflicts.  Nothing secures more effectively a good transition from vacation to school than a fluent communication between parents and children.  It is the perfect time to reinforce our commitment as parents to be strong allies of our children’s needs at school and to reiterate our love and trust in their capabilities and talents.

Nevertheless, some families lack a good communication process. Things are left unsaid or are expressed in an inadequate way, as threats that generate guilt and shame and end up adding to the difficulties of the school process the extra burden of frustration. 

Parent and children both need a set of tools to succeed at school, mostly communication and teamwork tools.  When a kid goes to school on the first day musing “I don’t know what I can do to please my mom and dad, I tried before and I can’t do it”. “I don’t care”, “Whatever”. “I can’t change”, “I’m a loser, and a parent, at the same time, thinks “I can’t make my son/daughter change”, “We are losers”, “We are bad parents”, we can anticipate a year full of conflicts and a failure in the making.  It is at that time, though, when the healing process should begin, for there are no losers or bad kids or bad parents by definition.  There are only new opportunities for families to look for a change, to try to find harmony in their lives and reaching out to learn how to use the appropriate tools that help them achieve their potential.

Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc

The exciting first day of school

By Valeria Vilar MA, BEd,  LMHC

Vacation time is coming to an end. Advertising for school supplies floods the magazines, TV commercials and store shelves. Slowly, both parents and children start to prepare for a new school year. The first day of school will be here soon, and the family will get back into their routine.

 Some kids may be a little anxious, and a tear or two may fall from their eyes as they let go mom’s hand that first day of school. While some are shy and reticent, others arrive enthusiastic and adventurous. The child’s attitude depends on several factors, such as their personality and the teachers’ way of receiving them, but mainly, it depends on the attitude that parents take towards supporting them to adapt to this new stage in their lives.   Every tool used to get children closer to a positive adaptation will be beneficial. Good communication is the best tool to help them in their growth process.

 It is normal for parents to feel hesitant as this moment approaches. “Will she be well accepted?” “Will he miss us?” “What if she doesn’t adapt or feel comfortable?” These are just a few of the many frequent questions that parents raise. Tranquility is the key. Parents are the main support for their child; this is why it is so important for them to remain calm and confident of their child’s abilities.

It is reassuring for your child to get him involved in the transition. Take him to see his new classroom, to meet his teacher, and his classmates before school starts.

Whenever you talk about this matter with other adults, keep a positive and happy attitude, this will be perceived by your child.

It is good to get everything ready the night before: backpack, lunchbox, clothes, and even give your child a night shower, so there will be no delays in the morning that would translate in incremental stress.

 It is likely that your child will need to get up at a different time from what he is used to, so it is important for you to start adjusting the schedule a couple of days in advance, to make it easier to wake up when the first day of school comes. 

When the big day arrives, it will certainly be a day full of emotions, as everything will be different for your child: the time at which he wakes up, the faces he will see, and the activities he will be part of.

This first day, and perhaps the entire first week, one of the parents, or ideally, both of them, should drop off, and pick up the child from school, as this will give her an added feeling of reassurance.

It is advisable that parents accompany him all the way to the classroom, to help him feel more confident. The need for this will start diminishing as the days go by and the child becomes familiar with the place. 

Say goodbye with a smiling face and the promise that he/she will be greeted the same way at the end of the day.

 Some children experience the fear of being abandoned, and so they break into tears when saying goodbye. They may tell you they do not want to stay, and the following days they may argue that they prefers to stay home because they have to draw or watch their favorite cartoons. They may also say that they have a headache or stomach ache. This should not always be neglected, as they may actually be feeling pain or discomfort, caused by their stress and anxiety. Parents should be understanding of these symptoms, but always remain calm and not give in and be complacent, as this would hinder their adjustment process. But if these symptoms persist it is important that they receive professional help to achieve the desired adaptation.    It is normal for new experiences to generate a degree of anxiety and fear, and this happens in both children and adults. The parent’s task, in order to promote a healthy adaptation process to a new school is to provide their young one with the effective tools for successful achieving this goal. I invite you to consider this new start as an opportunity to learn how to use the appropriate resources to help your children reach their full potential.

I wish all children a successful school year!

 Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Mind Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc 

Raising children can be the most rewarding task. Each age and developmental stage of the child presents specific challenges and opportunities: for babies it is to eat, to sleep and to explore their immediate world; for children to socialize and learn the basics of human interaction; for adolescents it is to develop their own identity.

One of the greatest achievements and goals that adolescents need to develop is independence. For some of them it is difficult to manage this transition from puberty to adolescence without conflicts. This passage towards a stage of greater freedom can cause sadness and stress to both parents and teenagers. This transition generates significant tension, and this is the time when parents must be prepared to act.

Starting early in that preparation is the best way to get ready for helping our kids and ensure a successful adolescence. Parents can prepare themselves or consulting with trained professionals.

In our professional practice we usually give parents certain tips that proved to be helpful:

1) Provide a safe and loving atmosphere at home, building a background of emotional security.

2) Work out the conflicting relationships among family members, in a way that teaches the adolescent how to learn conflict resolution tools, and inspire the child to act in the same way in other environments.

3) Create an environment of honesty, confidence and mutual respect starting with parent's example. Parent's actions, and their perseverance and commitment, are values that are going to fortify the young teens in their future development.   

4) Update and adapt the way you treat your kids to their ages.  Some parents have the tendency to continue with the same protecting style they were used to, and limiting by doing so, their teens' capacity to develop their own abilities. 

Adolescents naturally start to choose other important figures for them besides their parents, and they also tend to become highly influenced by peers.

It is wise to gradually grant teens independence, as a way to enhance their own responsibility and at the same time keeping discretionarily power over them, knowing what they are doing, with whom they meet and where are their favorite social meeting places. 

On one hand an excessive independence could give the youth insecurity and expose them to confronting situations that they're not prepared for.  On the other hand, an excessive restriction can produce rebellion or submission on their part, and these are both undesirable effects.

An open and fluid communication process between parents and teens is one of the bases to achieve a good relationship, and it requires persistence and understanding.

The adolescence stage can be less stressful when parents and teens work together in facing their challenges. This approach will ease and pave the road towards achieving a life-long loving and trustful relationship.

 Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Mind Bilingual/Spanish Counseling Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  They work with individuals, children, adolescents, adults, couples and families. Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc