The exciting first day of school

By Valeria Vilar MA, BEd,  LMHC

Vacation time is coming to an end. Advertising for school supplies floods the magazines, TV commercials and store shelves. Slowly, both parents and children start to prepare for a new school year. The first day of school will be here soon, and the family will get back into their routine.

 Some kids may be a little anxious, and a tear or two may fall from their eyes as they let go mom’s hand that first day of school. While some are shy and reticent, others arrive enthusiastic and adventurous. The child’s attitude depends on several factors, such as their personality and the teachers’ way of receiving them, but mainly, it depends on the attitude that parents take towards supporting them to adapt to this new stage in their lives.   Every tool used to get children closer to a positive adaptation will be beneficial. Good communication is the best tool to help them in their growth process.

 It is normal for parents to feel hesitant as this moment approaches. “Will she be well accepted?” “Will he miss us?” “What if she doesn’t adapt or feel comfortable?” These are just a few of the many frequent questions that parents raise. Tranquility is the key. Parents are the main support for their child; this is why it is so important for them to remain calm and confident of their child’s abilities.

It is reassuring for your child to get him involved in the transition. Take him to see his new classroom, to meet his teacher, and his classmates before school starts.

Whenever you talk about this matter with other adults, keep a positive and happy attitude, this will be perceived by your child.

It is good to get everything ready the night before: backpack, lunchbox, clothes, and even give your child a night shower, so there will be no delays in the morning that would translate in incremental stress.

 It is likely that your child will need to get up at a different time from what he is used to, so it is important for you to start adjusting the schedule a couple of days in advance, to make it easier to wake up when the first day of school comes. 

When the big day arrives, it will certainly be a day full of emotions, as everything will be different for your child: the time at which he wakes up, the faces he will see, and the activities he will be part of.

This first day, and perhaps the entire first week, one of the parents, or ideally, both of them, should drop off, and pick up the child from school, as this will give her an added feeling of reassurance.

It is advisable that parents accompany him all the way to the classroom, to help him feel more confident. The need for this will start diminishing as the days go by and the child becomes familiar with the place. 

Say goodbye with a smiling face and the promise that he/she will be greeted the same way at the end of the day.

 Some children experience the fear of being abandoned, and so they break into tears when saying goodbye. They may tell you they do not want to stay, and the following days they may argue that they prefers to stay home because they have to draw or watch their favorite cartoons. They may also say that they have a headache or stomach ache. This should not always be neglected, as they may actually be feeling pain or discomfort, caused by their stress and anxiety. Parents should be understanding of these symptoms, but always remain calm and not give in and be complacent, as this would hinder their adjustment process. But if these symptoms persist it is important that they receive professional help to achieve the desired adaptation.    It is normal for new experiences to generate a degree of anxiety and fear, and this happens in both children and adults. The parent’s task, in order to promote a healthy adaptation process to a new school is to provide their young one with the effective tools for successful achieving this goal. I invite you to consider this new start as an opportunity to learn how to use the appropriate resources to help your children reach their full potential.

I wish all children a successful school year!

 Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Mind Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc 

Everyday is Summer

By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMH

Summer is here, and the sun’s warm kiss invites us to relax, to do water sports, and to plan for fun. Vacation, hot weather, long hours of light, and less responsibilities at work make up for a great mix of ingredients.

While the rest of the year has been stressful, with a routine that is far from our idea of fun, it often happens that summer months come with an overdose of, much longed for, entertainment activities. It would seem as if people would only allow themselves these pleasant occasions during this season.

When this is the case, we may suffer a post vacation disorder when we go back to work. We don’t feel like taking back our routines because we associate them with stress and absolute lack of enjoyment. Symptoms of anxiety and depression start to appear accentuating even more the difference between the two scenarios.

To avoid this unbalance between summer and the rest of the year it is advisable to spread entertaining activities throughout the year. This helps improve your mood, your tolerance to stress, and your motivation to work.

Sometimes happiness is associated with extremely ideal situations that are, most of the times, very expensive too. If, in contrast, we could balance these thoughts, and start associating happiness with small moments of pleasure, we would be more balanced. Some examples of these simple pleasures are:

·      Closing your eyes, and going inside yourself while breathing and visualizing relaxing situations. If this technique doesn’t come naturally, it is because of high levels of anxiety, but with the right training, it is very easy to attain.

·      Getting pleasure out of a conversation with our loved ones. Our fast paced lives, text messaging and tight schedules have diminished dialogue to merely transmitting information as a telegram-like communication, and conversation keeps getting postponed for “when we have the time”. It does not happen spontaneously, unless we intentionally open a space for it.

·      Being able to stop and enjoy the view, to walk on the beach, to smell the flowers, to listen to the birds.

·      Having mini vacations on weekends throughout the year. When monotony starts to invade, it is advisable to generate a change in our routine to motivate ourselves to feel pleasure.

Those of us who are not used to opening these spaces of enjoyment in our lives find this goal very difficult to attain. We may even doubt whether or not it is worth the effort. When this is the case, many times, we don’t even know what to do, or how to do it, we don’t remember what we used to like, and we get a feeling of guilt when we step out of our routine. We often think, “There is so much to do, I should not be here wasting my time.”

This is a red flag that may be indicating depression or anxiety. This is why it is so important to start little by little, incorporating small changes into our routines, and having real expectations. In the beginning we are likely to not get as much pleasure out of these experiences, because we have denied ourselves the right of having a space for enjoyment for so long.

The key is to create balance throughout the year. The best time to start is now, during the summer, but do not forget to continue this habit all year round. Allow yourself to find pleasure in the simple things and to break the routine frequently. This will lead you to feel that you can, and you do, have moments of relaxation and fun throughout the year.

Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd,  LMHC, is the Clinical Director of Open Psychotherapy & Wellness Center. The center is located at the Weston Town Center since 1998.  Additional information, can be reached at (954) 385-9550, and This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting www.openmind.cc