By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC
During holiday celebrations, there is excitement in the atmosphere, people are in a good mood and this holiday spirit inspires couples to have a good time.
Some hours later… decoration lights from houses and shops start to go off, the melodies that rose our spirits with messages of love and joy have vanished, the smell of mint and cinnamon that magically transported us to a state of festivity and plenitude starts to fade away… our five senses are no longer stimulated for celebration.
- Do you feel that the fire of love and passion is fading and that your relationship is turning into a boring routine again?
- Do you feel there is less communication between you and your partner?
- Do you no longer feel surprised when you think about how your intimate encounter with your couple is going to begin and end?
- Do you need to be surrounded by people to enjoy an outing with your couple?
In other words, ask yourself the following question: Do you feel there is less chemistry, less passion, less communication and less intimacy in your relationship? Do you feel the fire is fading?
If your answer is closer to “yes,” then ask yourself this question: Are you going to let this happen?
Here are some tips that you may find interesting and may help you start this New Year differently:
1. Plan a real or imaginary trip together to a place you have never been to before:
Plan to visit a new place you are both interested in, tour the place and experience together the pleasant new sensation of being somewhere unfamiliar that will stimulate future encounters when evoked. The idea is to visualize with your partner a place that both of you feel like going to and have not been able to visit yet. This would be an adventure to the unknown, i.e., a plan with your partner. Besides, you will be able to evoke this emotion in complicity and use it as a source of inspiration in future intimate encounters.
2. Start an activity you can do together:
Start an activity both of you can share, for example, practice a new sport, cook together something you have never tasted before and discover the sensation of this new flavor, share a different type of music concert or movie, i.e., venture being coauthors of an activity that will spark off an unknown emotion in both of you.
3. Open up to a sincere dialog:
Talk with your partner about the things you like, and the ones that make you feel uncomfortable, in your intimacy, so you can both fully enjoy your intimate encounters. Couples often feel ashamed to tell their partner that they find something unpleasant, and instead they start using substitution behaviors, acting aggressively, staying overtime at work, feeling physical discomfort, making up excuses, and so on to avoid sexual encounters. Throughout my professional experience, I have also seen how some people are eager to experience a certain sexual fantasy and because they are too embarrassed to share it with their partner, they finally give up their fantasy and feel emotionally frustrated.
4. Dare to explore a new path together:
Dare to explore new routes in your intimacy. Generally, to make it to the final destination you travel down the same route repeatedly. This generates lack of interest and makes the experience very boring, thus, couples start acting automatically and do not take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy this romantic encounter completely. Set out to explore a new route tonight, a route neither of you has ever gone along, lose yourselves a little, laugh at yourselves, experience something new and enjoy a new territory that will take you to the pleasant destination you both want to reach.
In this New Year, allow yourself to imagine, create and experience with your partner new things in your lives.
¡Happy New Year and an enriching experience to you all!