By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC
It is rewarding to know you are going through life with your beloved one by your side. But the paths of life are not always easy. We are going to experience difficult situations, and crisis at some points.
A partner is a person that is close to you, someone who gained your trust and your love. A partner knows more about you than most people do, therefore, due to this closeness, you are in a vulnerable position.
Commonly after a crisis, feelings like avoidance, deception, infidelity, and anger appear. In my practice I’ve noticed some people react to painful events showing off the soreness like a flag of their lost war. They choose to label themselves with their scar. However, other people react building a hard shell around them, a protection, avoiding the possibility of being hurt again. But at the same time, they are closing the door to love and positive feelings. They hide their scar like a shameful remembrance.
Why do we find freedom through forgiveness?
- To forgive is to give a present to yourself.
- To forgive is to correct the negative emotional conditions.
- It is a process of internal growth.
The ability to forgive is a process. Some people can forgive easier than others, and it could take just a few weeks or a lifetime. Forgiveness arrives when a person gets to a stage of converting anger or fury into compassion or understanding.
Forgiveness transforms disagreement into harmony, anger into happiness, and revenge into dialogue and balance. Where there used to be a fight there can now be a hug. Where there was a cliff, a bridge is built. Forgiveness is a practical and tangible demonstration of love to the other person and to yourself.
Forgiveness has the ability to transform the biochemistry of emotions. From adrenalin to endorphin.
Forgiveness is an internal process. It represents riding off painful emotions and victimhood. The attitude of a person who forgives is an act of will that is actually bringing more benefit to herself that to the aggressor.
Forgetting what has been done to you, denying the facts and moving on doesn’t mean to forgive. In contrast, forgiveness is related to learning from the facts, understanding the causes of what happened and gaining back control of your future.
The ability to forgive is a learnable process. If you experience difficulties, forgiveness techniques can be learned in order to replace resentment and anger with a more fulfilling emotion. Acquiring forgiveness skills would help you overcome situations from the past that keep you stuck, that hurt your soul, and intoxicate your mind.
Finding freedom through forgiveness, a person will be able to initiate the healing process. Over time, the scar will ease and soften. It will ultimately heal to become a continuous reminder of a painful experience that was converted into a witness of your inner growth and your power to love.