By Valeria Vilar, MA, BEd, LMHC
A couple in crisis typically occurs when an unusual amount of discomfort or unresolved conflict causes the level of anxiety to become too intense for the couple to deal with.
Commonly, there are slight alterations, slight resentment in communication and the minor holding back of affection that result into distance, silence and finally a breakdown in the relationship.
Your entire life has changed. Your body, mind and emotions are thrown out of balance. You may wonder: Is there any hope in my relationship? Is my relationship worth saving? What I should do?
If a crisis has occurred or if problems have become unmanageable, you can use this opportunity to move from discomfort to a new beginning.
Today can be the start of a brand new relationship between you and your partner. Here are some ideas to start to take action:
1. Remember Why You Started this Relationship: Usually long time relationship forget this loving time. Recollections of how things were in the beginning provides couples with insight into individual's convictions about the present relationship,
2. Strengthen Your Communication Skills: This is one of the most important aspects of wellbeing between couples. Couples that correspond fine can discuss and resolve issues when they arise more effectively. Being able to successfully listen, truly hear and validate the other’s position is a skill that isn’t necessarily a “given” for many people. But is a learnable skill that can be develop.
3. Increase Your Empathy Level: Demonstration of each person feelings, respect, trust, prioritized, heard, understood, validated, empathy and love from the other, will increase your level of affection in your relationship,
4. Identify The Triggers In Your Relationship: Identify the problems in the relationship is the base and the first step to achieve the solution and balance in the relationship. Once you had been recognized your relationship triggers, jot down possible solutions and finale choose the most appropriate for both of you.
5. Identify Issues with Family of Origin: Explore what each member of the couple might have brought into the relationship from the past is very helpful. Usually conflict parents highly influences in regards to how it might be play the role in a future relationship. Understanding the existence of potentially problematic conditioning you can avoid the repetition of these learned behaviors.
6. Explore Your Relationship’s Roles: It’s important to take advantage of the opportunity to define your roles in the couple, and evaluate about how you each feel about the way things have been working and if any changes can benefit the couple.
7. Define Your Personal, and Couple Goals: In my experience many couples have never talk about their personal and relationship goals. You and your partner will explore the other’s aspirations and how to combine them into one goal.
Every crisis leads to a solution. In a Chinese language the concept of a crisis represent danger and opportunity.
I invite you to cross the bridge that transports you from crisis to balance in your relationship.
Let’s start the journey!